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CHINA TO OPEN FIRST TAKE-AWAY RESTAURANT ON MARS
Full Report (February 30th, 2021)
As China's first successful landing on Mars becomes a reality, it will be ready for the new US space-ships containing the first astronots to actually land on the ‘red’ planet. There will be no stars at present in the images but it is rumoured that lotteries are to be held for the Earth's first contingent of celebrities to sign up.
Until further supplies are sent, the menu will be limited. A new type of oven will be used, which according to scientist Professor Wonton Li works upon the following formula developed by Phoney/Sumsing and is as follows:
‘By the by focal squeezure of the lemon on on of which about and which by the action of the niggling and fidgeting pin on the poofer valve causes the klonkenspiegle to move in a square circle. Therefore A=x-2.’ (The heat is on.)
The oven is to be named after its inventor Tai Wan.
Wonton Li also said inthe interview: ‘The first menu to be served will probably be as follows:
No.1 Red Pranet flied lice with a battery chicken in sweat and sour sauce. No.2 Special Martian flied lice and meat balls (possibly of unknown origin depending upon any local life which may be discovered later).
No.3 Spring Rolls (so does the Summer and subsequent discoveries of seasons not covered in the menus of Earth or Mars). Stay tuned.
No.4 Stir Fry (for later prisoners sent for ‘rehabilitation’ on Mars). No.5 Chow mine (the leftovers in the pans with curry).
Initially, all food will be raw, cooked, basted, wasted, fried or whatever, on Earth but later, of course, it will be produced on Mars itself where it can be heated using the new method of cooking/heating the Tai Wan. Experts and scientists are already working on the problem of cooking on a planet without an apparent atmosphere and without any recourse as to their findings since they cannot be found anywhere but on Earth and they have no knowledge whatsoever of what it can be like outside of it.
Further news when we can make it up for you to follow. The Mars News team.
*************************************** Breaking news…..
It is rumoured that India and Iran are working in collaboration on their own Space Restaurant which will orbit Mars as soon as they can curry favour from the Americans to let them have a second-hand rocket which they can modify for their purposes. It is to be named the ‘Taj Halal’.
Remember: you heard it here first!